Learning to Feel
by Me Llamo Berry
Summary: <html><head></head>Akihiko Kayaba had always dreamed of sharing his world with others, a world he created, and didn't have to leave. A world they could all enjoy forever. He didn't count on so many people disliking his way of keeping people in the game and he didn't expect so many deaths so early on in the game. Nor did he expect to save a girl from dying.</html>


**A/n I don't use any Japanese honorifics, or write their names properly. I wrote this as if it was being translated into English. Mostly because I don't like mixing languages, and also because I don't feel confident in using them correctly.**

* * *

><p>Akihiko Kayaba was pleased. His game had sold 10000 copies, with many more downloaded. By the time he was ready to put his plan in motion, almost all of them were logged in. This meant 10,000 players to well... play with. He could hardly wait to share his world with others. Only a few more minutes before he gave his announcement. Logging out had been disabled for nearly half an hour, and people were starting to notice. He triggered the next phase as the time was reached. He teleported everyone in the game to the center of the first town in the game.<p>

Everyone watched a figure form out of what looked like blood dripping out of the red sky. They were whispering together, confused about the turn of events. However, most of them were confident that the error of no logging out would be fixed. Some people had a bad feeling in the pit of their stomach but tried to think positive.

One girl, 17, twirled her dark blue hair as she waited for this whole spectacle to be finished. She wanted to keep playing. So the sooner this was over with, the sooner she could keep working out how to play. She wasn't too concerned with being unable to log out. It wasn't like anyone was home anyways.

Despite it being his announcement, Kayaba was using his avatar in the shadows, so that he didn't have to act the part of a surprised and horrified player, but everyone could see that he was indeed there. He would be inputting what his GM avatar would say from his position, since he had full admin access to everything including the internet. Hopefully it would all go well and he could stay unnoticed. He was very careful however, and for the moment, had his menu invisible to other players.

"Attention players. Welcome to my world. My name is Akihiko Kayaba and as of this moment, I am in control of this world."

Players started whispering, wondering if it was really him. Heathcliff smirked. The best announcement was yet to come. No one would have to leave ever unless they died or managed to clear the world. It hadn't occurred to him yet that most players, while they enjoy games, don't want to live in them.

"I'm sure you've already noticed that the logout button is missing from the main menu. But this is not a defect in the game." Stunned silence. "I repeat this is not a defect in the game but a key feature of Sword Art Online. You cannot log out of SAO on your own power. No one outside the game can shut down or remove the NerveGear from your head. If anyone attempts to do so, the transmitter inside NerveGear will discharge a microwave signal into your skull, destroying your brain and ending your life."

People were already beginning to freak out. Heathcliff sighed. It was regrettable but it was the only way to keep people here to play. There was just no fun in a game where people could leave whenever they wanted.

"Despite my warning, the family and friends of players have attempted to forcibly remove the NerveGear. As a result we are 213 players less than what we began with. They have been deleted from both Aincrad and the real world." News reports appeared and floated around the figure. "As you can see, media outlets around the world have around the clock coverage on everything including the deaths. At this point, you can be assured that the likelihood of your NerveGear being removed is minimal at best. I hope this brings you a measure of comfort as you attempt to clear the game. It is important to remember the following. There is no longer any way to revive someone within the game. If you HP drops to zero, your avatar will be deleted from the system forever, and the NerveGear will simultaneously destroy your brain. There is only one way for a player to escape now. You must clear the game. Right now you are gathered on Floor 1, the lowest level of Aincrad. If you can get through the dungeon and defeat the boss you may advance to the next floor. Defeat the boss on floor 100 and you will clear the game."

Loud outbursts, unable to be held in any longer, accompanied this statement. Heathcliff observed with some amusement at the expected behavior. He hadn't designed it to be impossible after all, nor even improbable. Just... difficult. And any additional difficulty would be brought on by themselves, not him.

"Last but not least, I've placed a little present in the item storage of every player. Please have a look."

At this point, Heathcliff took out the item and pretended it worked, he had programmed a few changes to his avatar with the item. All around him people were freaking out. Yelling about people who'd been girls before, and there did seem to be a significant drop in female avatars. Heathcliff chuckled quietly. He wasn't the only one amused. One girl saw her real face in the mirror after a moment of disorientation. She then knew what was going on with the items and started laughing at other people. At least she hadn't falsified herself much beyond making herself skinny rather than stocky and giving herself different colored hair. Other people however had to reap the results of lying about themselves. And the reactions were priceless, despite the situation. Heathcliff noted some of the things people were saying as he prepared the last bit of information.

"Right now you're probably wondering why. Why would Akihito Kayaba developer of Sword Art Online and the NerveGear do this? Ultimately, my goal was a simple one. The reason I created Sword Art Online was to control the fate of a world of my design. As you can see, I've achieved my goal. This marks the end of the tutorial and the official launch of Sword Art Online. I wish you the best of luck." Heathcliff had lied a bit, he didn't want to admit that he'd always been a dreamer, and besides it was more dramatic this way even though he wasn't going to do much meddling in the game beyond his role as a player up until the last few floors before floor 100.

The figure and forcefield faded, leaving behind a shocked crowd of players. Heathcliff watched smugly, leaning against a pillar. A stunned and horrified silence reigned until chaos of people protesting, shouting, and crying broke out. Heathcliff looked around, sighing a little as he realized not one wanted to be there. They would embrace it eventually. They had no choice.

He waited until he saw other players leave the square before doing so himself, mentally revising his plans. He'd need to lay low, and try to fit in somehow before he did anything. Besides, all the better to level up and practice. He had to look like he earned any boost the system gave him. Besides, if he didn't practice a skill and work for it but just gave it to himself, he could possibly screw it up majorly, which wouldn't be good either for his image. For now, it'd probably be better to leave off the immortal object protection because everyone was going to fall into the yellow at this point.

Heathcliff continued planning as he wandered out of the city into one of the fields. As he thought, he always running into the stumbling block of how he would blend in. He sighed and put that off for now, turning to fighting the boars. Since he designed them, he didn't have any trouble figuring out how to fight them. However, he hadn't expected to lose as much health as he did. At that point, he decided to give up for the day and head for some rest. It was a good start at least.

* * *

><p>Daja sat off in a corner of the starting city, just thinking. And wondering if she understood Kayaba correctly. She was fairly certain she got the idea of dying in game and reality correctly and that they had to clear the game... everything else... She wasn't sure. She'd only started learning Japanese two years previous, when her mom was stationed at the US Air Force base in Japan. It'd been a huge displacement. And she still hadn't made friends. Buying SAO for Daja... That had been her mom trying to cheer her up, yet again, and it was also an early birthday present. Daja sighed, wondering how her mom was taking this. Probably terribly, her mom's whole life was the military and raising her. She leaned back against the wall, staring at the sky.<p>

The first few hours in this world... had been amazing. She had never felt this alive, this... special. She figured out how to kill one of those boars by herself, took several tries and she nearly died. She shuddered. Funny to think how a few hours ago that just meant starting over. Now... it meant nothing followed. Nothing. She stood up and stretched. Better work on gaining exp then. If she couldn't live in the real world, she could live in this world. And best to start with some training.

She spent her time avoiding other players whenever possible, so usually all the time. But it was worth it as she moved on from the city. She was getting the hang of not dying, and had a better idea of her limits now. She really liked using a dagger as well as a one handed sword. She tried a few other weapons at one of the shops, but none really appealed to her. That was okay. Her current weapons suited her just fine.

Two weeks after the game had launched, Daja went to talk to some NPCs about a quest she'd heard about after training hard for most of the day. There were several repetitive ones on this floor, and it sounded like there would be less on each floors, and as the floor level went higher, the more often the quest could only be completed once. So it was better to complete quests on the first floor for items and experience than later on if one wanted a decent chance at the experience.

She only hoped her level was high enough, but it sounded like it should be, despite most people avoiding quests altogether. It was more her overall experience that worried her; how would she handle the situations like that? Training and even traveling was easy enough, the enemies weren't overwhelming and were rather easy to fight. But a situation where she had to fight off enemies from an area because they were scaring the NPCs... that was another story. At least it wasn't the boss though, she doubted she could handle that even with other players around. She took a deep breath before listening to the NPC prattle on about the problem, nodding in the right places, and getting some valuable information about the enemies. They only appeared at night, and overall, those sort of enemies were the most dangerous to fight. This would take some careful thought.

"Alright, I'll head to that cabin right away," she responded at the end. She knew that cabin, everyone did, it was near one of the training fields in this area. Since the enemies don't appear until the quest is activated, no one would've noticed, but it did give her a better idea of the terrain. Lots of trees, she would have to be careful about attacks from above. She double checked her supplies. Yes, she was prepared enough.

Daja headed out there, and sat in the shade, hidden pretty well. She waited patiently for night to fall, figuring it was better to just get it over with than overtraining some more. She watched other people train, some rather determined, others breaking down at the drop of a hat. She sighed.

As much as she didn't mind being stuck here minus the whole dying bit, watching other people was rather depressing. No one wanted to die. So they sat and sulked and cried about it instead of doing something, and sure that was understandable... but two weeks... They... all of them... needed to get a move on. Daja heaved a heavy sigh. No sign of the first floor boss, and the dungeon was barely searched since most people needed to get their bearings. Hopefully this progress wasn't indicative of how it would go later on.

An older man, gray haired, caught her attention. He seemed to be trying to use a sword and a shield in conjunction. It wasn't working too well, but it was better than most attempts at fighting she'd seen. There had been a few other good players, but most had already moved on from this town. Daja didn't consider herself very good, just a player trying to survive on her own. After this quest though, she'd move on. It was getting harder to get exp in the fields.

"Finally... nightfall," Daja muttered as she watched the sunset. She had nearly fallen asleep as she waited. Most people had left the training fields. It still took her breath away how pretty sunsets were in the game, even though its a completely virtual world.

She stood up from her spot in the shade of a tree, hidden by some bushes and stretched. She didn't notice that one of the few who hadn't left yet saw her. The girl took out her sword and prepared herself mentally for nightfall, which was now only a few seconds away. She walked towards the cabin, noticing an NPC staring out the window in fear.

Daja tensed, looking around for the enemies and wondering when they would appear. She took a few more steps... and one pounced from above. She yelped in surprise, she'd checked above her but saw nothing. She shook it off and slashed it a few times with her sword. It had more health than she expected. She knew enemies that spawned at night tended to be stronger, but she didn't realize it would be this strong. While she was killing that enemy... the others surrounded her. She spun and cursed under her breath as she counted at least ten.

With a sinking heart, she realized she was dead. It just hadn't happened yet. She probably could've handled five enemies of that strength on her own. More than that... she was doomed. The girl took a deep breath and prepared to fight anyways. She didn't want to go down without a fight like many players had.

She fought and killed the one in front of her, ignoring the attacks draining her health from behind. It wasn't like she knew how to block them. She managed to kill three more enemies before she fell to her knees. Everything was blurry, but that didn't stop her from swinging her sword around. It was weird, she could feel some pain, but it wasn't as bad as she expected. She fell over completely, managing to twist and land on her back. She blinked up at the enemies above her, and waited for death to come.

They crowded around her. She stared defiantly at the one with the sword, waiting for the final blow. It raised its sword, and she flinched, eyes closing briefly. The blow never came. She opened her eyes, and stared. She was no longer surrounded. She slowly sat up, gaping.

Someone had saved her, to her disbelief. She had made no friends or even acquaintances, keeping to herself, and yet... someone actually came to her aid. That someone was struggling against the final two enemies. She gasped; he seemed to be losing. So she did the first thing her mind thought of. She threw her dagger at one of the enemies. It stumbled, distracted. It was all the gray-haired man needed to destroy it before turning to the final one.

Daja let out a weak cheer before exhaustion and low health caught up with her. She fainted. Her savior dispatched the last of the enemies before rushing over. He frantically took out his only potion and gave it to her. He knew it would take a while before she would start healing, but thankfully her health wasn't low enough that she'd die before it could take effect.

"This wasn't supposed to happen..." Heathcliff muttered as he looked around. This quest... It was only supposed to appear after the first floor had been cleared. Maybe he shouldn't have let the Cardinal system control things after all. It was making things too hard, too soon. Unfortunately it was too late now to regain control. He sighed and picked the girl up. First he had to pick up the reward for the quest, and then he wasn't sure, especially if she hadn't woken up by then. He went inside the cabin and talked to the NPCs to receive the reward.

"Thank you," the NPC finished its rambling spiel. "I hope you can get more use out of this sword than I can." Heathcliff shifted the girl so that he could take it. He nodded to the NPC and left silently. As he walked, he placed the sword in his inventory because it was rather difficult carrying the girl and the sword.

As he walked towards the city on the path, carefully avoiding any enemies, he started thinking again. About all the deaths that had occurred. That was another thing that wasn't supposed to happen, he'd purposely set the level of the enemies on floor one at no more than level 5 so that people wouldn't die. Then again if Cardinal system went against the original settings once, it could do it again.

And who knew how many of those deaths were suicides? Heathcliff sighed heavily. This wasn't what he envisioned when he planned this all out. He planned for people being determined to get out. To begin enjoying themselves. It seemed he did not understand human psychology. He miscalculated, and the game wasn't even fun for him right now, not with most people barely even trying. But it should pick up soon, more and more people were starting to train and move on, realizing they wouldn't get out of the game while feeling sorry for themselves.

People dying wasn't really his intention either, it was an unfortunate side effect, a calculated risk. And in two weeks, his calculations for how many would die over a six months were surpassed. If he'd known that, he would have only bluffed and made sure people couldn't log on, letting people believe they'd die when they didn't. He paused that train of thought and then sighed. That wouldn't change their reactions. And he had no clue what would've been a better course of action to keep people in the game to play it.

He reached an inn and entered it, shifting the girl in his arms slightly so that he could sign in and get a room for two, he wasn't sure she'd be okay on her own. She should've woken up by now, so she probably had overworked herself. He sighed at that thought. That was another common sight these days. Some of the time, those people ended up dying because they collapsed in a dangerous area, thankfully usually the rest of the time they were accompanied by other players. But this girl... this girl was alone. He frowned. Not many players chose to go solo. It was an option of course, but with a chance of dying, most people chose safety in numbers. He set her on the first bed.

Heathcliff took off the armor he'd accumulated (it wasn't really much). He removed the sword from his inventory and set it on the table before sitting on the second bed. Despite the time, he didn't really feel that tired. Actually, he felt guilty that he hadn't seen the girl sooner, and that he hadn't realized she would need help sooner. Seeing someone die in front of him was horrible. It'd already happened once. He didn't want to see it happen again. After a while of debating what to do, he decided it would do no good if he exhausted himself by not sleeping, and so went to bed.

* * *

><p>Daja woke slowly the next morning, all her senses screaming that something was 'off.' She blinked a few times, staring at what she recognized as a ceiling at an inn. That's when it all came rushing back, going on the quest, being overwhelmed, thinking she would die... And then... nothing. So how did she end up in an inn...? She sat up slowly, looking around in confusion.<p>

"Oh, good you're awake. I was worried," Heathcliff remarked with some relief as he stood. Daja stared at him.

"Uh.. who are you?" she asked, with an accent betraying that she wasn't from Japan. She then blushed and looked down. "Sorry that was rude." The man smiled and passed her a sandwich. She took it uncertainly.

"My name is Heathcliff, I saw you when you left to fight those monkey things and hung back to see if you needed help, and if not, to see if I could get some tips." He smiled at her gently. It'd taken about an hour of internal debate before he decided on how he would handle this. "You really shouldn't have pushed yourself so hard. You fainted from exhaustion, and if you haven't been sleeping, you probably haven't been eating, so well eat." He gestured to the sandwich that she was still just holding.

"Oh... okay..." Daja responded awkwardly, not sure how she was supposed to react. Even two years after moving to Japan, she still didn't understand the culture very well. To her relief, it wasn't nearly so formal in SAO, but there were still the odd people who preferred it. And she'd avoided people for the most part so she wasn't forced into the situations. She took a bite of her food and chewed for a moment, surprised at how good it tasted... and how hungry she was. Silence reigned as she ate.

"My name is Daja... thank you for saving me," the girl mumbled shyly, finally remembering her manners, and blushing.

"Oh don't worry about it, it's fine. Besides, I may well have died too if you hadn't thrown that dagger. So let's just call it even." Then he hesitated. "Why are you traveling alone? Everyone I've seen has chosen to at least team up with one other person..."

"Well why are you alone?" she responded defensively, crossing her arms. Heathcliff stared at her for a moment.

"Well... I uh... I didn't join this game with friends like many people, and this isn't exactly an ideal place to make friends... And..." He looked away sheepishly. "Everyone I've approached laughed at me because they don't think I'll be a good fighter... Apparently I'm too old looking." It was his one regret about making his avatar. Daja snorted.

"I spend a lot of time watching people and you're better than half of the ones I've seen right now. If it weren't for your hair being gray, I'd say you're 40 at the oldest. Besides, this is a level based game, isn't it? Doesn't that mean strength doesn't depend on age?" she reasoned.

"You would be correct, but with our true appearances, came judgement, and people are always looking to blame other people for their own misfortune."

"Well, they should blame Kayaba then if they want to blame anyone. It's not fair to the beta testers or anyone working hard to clear the game," Daja grumbled, though she was well acquainted with that way of thinking. Heathcliff was taken aback by the mention of his real name, but hid it well.

"What is your opinion of what's going on?" he inquired, genuinely interested in her opinion. She shrugged.

"I don't think I would mind other than the threat of death... I've been practically living through other worlds for most of my life anyways..." She bit her lip and then decided to share a little more about herself, this stranger had saved her after all, risked his own life for hers. "My father might as well be dead for all he cares, and mom is in the United States Air Force... Two years ago she was stationed in Japan." Daja made a face. "I didn't know any Japanese at that time... I still struggle a little... my 18th birthday was the day of launch... SAO was mom's birthday present for me, and it was everything I dreamed about... until Kayaba made that announcement about death." Heathcliff stared at her for a moment.

"I... see." He wasn't sure how to react. There was silence for a while. "So what are your plans then for surviving this game?" the man queried suddenly. Daja shrugged.

"I haven't really figured it out yet... I've been working on leveling up, but I want to do more than survive, I want to help clear this game, and I want to live. I'm just not sure I'll be ready when the boss is found." Daja sighed. She wanted to be able to help, she didn't want to just level up but do nothing about clearing the floors. Heathcliff regarded her for a moment before sighing himself.

"I'm not sure I'll be ready to help fight the boss when its found either," he admitted reluctantly. "I'm having trouble figuring out how to work with a sword and shield at the same time." A half lie, he knew how but it was a lot more work than many of the other weapons skills, and since he didn't want to use his admin powers early on and therefore have people suspicious of him, he had to figure it out without those powers.

"Well..." Daja sighed. "I better get going, I probably should buy some better supplies and train some more." She stood up and stretched. "Thanks again for saving me."

"Wait!" Heathcliff exclaimed; he wasn't about to let her wander off and exhaust herself again. The next time that happen, she could die. He was growing increasingly affected by deaths, especially when he had met the people who died. And it'd be nice to have some company. "Why don't we team up?" She stopped and stared at him, shock written all over her face.

"Really?" she questioned in disbelief. No one had ever shown the slightest interest in her before. He nodded.

"Going solo is dangerous for people who don't know what they're doing... And while we're doing better than some, it's better to team up," he explained. She nodded slowly.

"Yeah... that makes sense..." She sat down on the bed. He sent her a party request and she accepted. "Uh... now what?" she asked awkwardly after a moment.

"I guess we help each other out with training and supplies." Heathcliff responded, though he himself was unsure. He tended to be a solo player when he played other games and so wasn't used to teaming up with anyone. He really should've done a bit more research into various topics before starting the game it seemed.

"Alright, I can live with that." Daja felt uncertain, like she usually did in social situations. When she knew it was short lived it was easier. Now she would be spending time with a total stranger. Who had to be 20 years older than her. "I guess we should get going and grab breakfast and such..."

"Yes, that probably would be best. But first, here." Heathcliff handed her the sword that was the reward for the quest she'd attempted. She stared at it and examined it eagerly before looking up with a sigh.

"I can't... I can't take it. I didn't complete the quest, you did, so you should have it," she told him regretfully though it was quite a bit better than the sword she had now. Heathcliff shook his head.

"You still killed half the enemies, that means both of us completed it, and so we have an equal claim on the reward. Besides, using a sword and shield combination works best if the two came in a set for anyone but masters of the skill, so I wouldn't be able to really make use of it anyways. Go ahead, you earned it just for being brave enough to try that quest solo," the older man assured her. A slow smile came onto her face as she stood up and tested the sword before sending her old sword to the inventory and keeping the new sword out.

"Thank you, for everything," she said sincerely, still grinning as she sheathed the sword.

Then they headed out for the day, neither sure of how this would work out.

* * *

><p><strong>An Okay so a bit more of a rough start than I'd like for this story, but this idea wouldn't leave me alone. Kayaba/Heathcliff has intrigued me as a character, and up to the point we're at in the anime, he's kind of the least evil villain, he doesn't seem truly malicious about his goals, which makes me think he may be a bit of a sociopath or something, not caring about other people. So on one hand, this is a story about his character and my reasoning for his actions. On the other, it's a total AU where he makes friends with Daja and starts actually... caring for people.**

**It's not my best work, but I'm still going to write it because well it's one of my favorite ideas, and I haven't really seen many people try to humanize Kayaba. I've seen people make him much worse than he actually is, and that's okay, but I wanted to see the other end of the spectrum and it looks like I have no choice but to write it myself. Such a hardship.**

**Anyways, let me know what you think. I accept criticism, and I do honestly think about what people say even if I don't agree or have my own reasons for why I'm doing it that way. One thing I do want people to know is that I'm taking a lot of creative license. I have three other fanfictions I'm focusing on. I also have short stories and novels, my own original fiction, I'm working on. I simply can't take the time and energy to make sure that everything is completely accurate on schools, the way things work, etc. So I take creative license based on what I know. The only thing I fully research beyond studying the source material I have access to (wiki and anime in this case) is things that are important to my novels. My point is that since fanfiction is more for my enjoyment and it's not paid, I'm more lazy.**


End file.
